I Get Tired of Explaining

I saw a different nutritionist today because my regular one was out due to an emergency.  Had I known, I wouldn't have even gone, because it's such a pain trying to explain to people my strange food list. I'm on my way to raw so 1) not all my foods are raw 2) some of my nonraw foods are highly processed (but I haven't chosen them haphazardly) and 3) there are still foods I eat that really don't "belong" - these are the junk I eat when I give in to cravings or temptation.  I'm still dealing with food issues, so combine that with the first two things and people don't know what to make of my diet!   Sure enough, the new nutritionist asked me what I was doing, because although she'd heard I was eating raw, she couldn't tell that from my food lists.  I explained to her that I'd done 100% raw last year and that I am headed in that direction again, but easing into it this time so that I don't lose weight too quickly, and so I can avoid the low protein levels I experienced.  Yes, I eat the occasional weird item when I give in to temptation, but I don't want to punish myself over it. 

So she reads my food list to herself and makes a point of reading out loud only the brownie and pizza. GRRRR.  I don't go to a nutritionist to have my foods "checked"! I go primarily for education, and secondarily for weight tracking.  I politely exlained the stage I am at in this raw odyssey of mine, and told her that I am not striving for perfection, and that I will eat the occasional treat.  She recognized that I was not going to act sorry or feel chastised, and agreed with me that perfection is not a good goal.   She weighed me and said that despite those  two foods, I didn't gain. Well, the reason I didn't gain is because my other meals that day were raw (very low calorie and very low fat, too)! The pizza and brownie therefore didn't put me over the fat or calorie amounts that I aim for each day. 

I am learning that I have to teach the nutritionists how to help me as much as they need to teach me about nutrition.  They are used to playing cheerleader, lecturer and scolder, but I'm through with those approaches.  I'm even rethinking asking for support for my long history of "food issues."   I think all I really want is the nutritional education and weight tracking.  The cheerleading doesn't make me happy, and the "naughty girl" stuff just gets on my nerves. They still give me advice for cooked foods and try to get me to buy their vegetarian cookbook, but I just smile and say no, thank you- and they say, "oh, that's right! You eat raw." But I do have to say that overall, I like the service I am getting from the nutritionists and feel it is worth the price. Having knowledgeable people to keep tabs on my nutritional intake and give me feedback is all I'm really looking for. What I'm doing is new to them, but because of their vegetarian backgrounds they are supportive of a raw diet. And I've lost 20 lbs!

A Wild and Wacky Summer- and now the Holidays are Coming!

I would like to get back to raw before January of 2007, but my heart just hasn't been in it. Personal problems took up a lot of my energy starting this summer: I am a single woman now, which really took an emotional toll on me. Then, as a related problem, I had to move. That involved a lot of physical labor and emotional stress that took time away from my studies and made the whole break-up thing more upsetting. Remember that I joined the Raw Food Bootcamp? Well, need I say that I wasn't attentive to the Bootcamp regulations through all of this?

As part of my move I lost internet access at home, which interfered with my ability to stick to the Bootcamp regimen of checking in, logging foods, maintaining a blog, etc. It also interfered with my studies, a problem I especially do not need. Between trying to find reliable sources of free wi-fi, studying, moving and being generally depressed, it seemed that I had really picked the wrong time for the Bootcamp. I tried to stick to the regimen, thinking that if I could at least stay raw one of my biggest problems would be under control, but it was really too difficult for me to handle.

When I finally got moved, I thought I could then put more attention on the Bootcamp, but then my computer powercord broke! More internet woes, then- and not having a computer is even worse than not having internet because my research data is all digital. AARGH! That did me in as far as the Bootcamp. The truth is, other areas in my life have had more importance in my life than staying raw these past couple of months: my studies and my personal life. If I have to choose between the bootcamp and my studies, for example, the studies have to win. And I've found that it is too hard not to stray from raw when I'm so emotionally stressed.

So I am no longer a member of the Bootcamp. Speaking for me- not for anyone else- a Bootcamp experience works best when it's not competing with outside forces. I thought the Bootcamp would force me to focus on raw over those other forces, but no- I couldn't make it work no matter how important I thought it was. Carlene was very understanding that this was not the right time in my life for Bootcamp (although I didn't bring even bring up the break-up issues!). She didn't call me a whiny loser or anthing dreaded like that. :-) There is a time and a place for everything and if Bootcamp is in my future, it'll be when I am fully able to commit to it.

So what do I do now? I am definitely not eating raw these days, but I am starting from square one to get myself back on track. First, simply watching what I eat is important. I may progress from there to recording what I eat- maybe calories or Weight Watcher's points. I've bought some frozen meals because those are the easiest foods for someone going to grad school and working at two different job sites! After I'm in the habit of watching what I eat I can transition to an all-vegetarian diet, and then transition back to raw- maybe by my January 1st raw anniversary! Once the semester is over at the university I will also have some free time- a good time to start a gym regimen. So I know what options are out there. It's a matter of putting them into play. That's always the hard part.