Touched by an Angel?

You ever wish that someone or something would suddenly appear and save you from yourself? Well, I've always thought, in my worst moments, that the only way I'd stop my downward spiral of eating the wrong foods and getting more and more unhealthy was for either a "guardian angel" to step in, or some horrible health crisis to hit me and shock me back to common sense.

Well, I had a taste of the health crisis this week. I've been slowly morphing to a vegetarian/raw diet, but not quickly enough. I'd been feeling tired, sleepy and generally icky for a while and finally went to the doctor, mainly because my nutritionist wanted bloodwork. While there I saw how high my BP had gotten, and the doctor said my breathing problems could be caused by both allergies and sleep apnea. I had the prescription for Allegra filled, but eschewed the sleep test.

I felt decent the next day- not sleepy or as bad as usual. What a nice break! But the following day was strange. I woke up feeling extra tired and knew it would be a bad day. I had to fast for the 10 a.m. blood test so I went to work with no breakfast. It may have been partly because of that and partly because of whatever has been going on with me, but I felt worse and worse with every hour. I felt a tightness in my chest that seemed related to my wheezing, had a headache, was exceptionally worn out, and even had a strange anxiety/panicky feeling and shakiness. I made sure to drink water, and then went to get my blood drawn. I told the folks at work I wouldn't be back that day.

After the clinic, I seriously considered going to the ER, but remembered that I hadn't eaten, so I went to 7-11 and bought a Naked Juice protein smoothie - I was actually going for the natural sugar and carbs for quick energy but saw the protein version (38 gms per bottle) and figured it couldn't hurt. I guzzled that thing down- all 500 calories of it (whew!). Within 15 minutes I felt about 60% better. The chest tightness and anxiety went away. I was still feeling I should go to the ER but I went home to relax instead. I napped for a few hours and when I woke up I wondered again if I should go to the ER because I still wasn't totally well. I decided to go to the grocery store and check my blood pressure. If it was in the danger zone I'd go to the ER. The machine read 154 over 89. Much higher than I've seen it, but, according to the pharmacist, not worthy of an ER visit.

I vowed right then to stop putzing around with the gradually-going-raw thing and jumped back into a high-raw diet. High raw for me is this: every day I will eat raw fruits and vegetables and drink lots of water with lemon or lime juice. In addition, I will include any of the following protein or fiber-rich foods (raw or cooked as appropriate to the item): fish, tofu, oatmeal, Eggbeaters, hemp seeds and whey protein. I have already begun to drink more water, and I brewed tea to give me a non-caffeinated, non-sugary alternative to water. I love diet Snapple, but I'll stay away from its faux-sugar tastiness for the time being. I'm drinking my remaining Pepsi Jazz this weekend, and will not buy any more colas. (I will try sparkling water, though!)

Today I bought some fruits and vegetables, a manual citrus juicer, and a couple of Whole Foods salad bar items. No cheese- that's a miracle, folks! I do love me some cheese, you know. I got parsley for my salads (more nutritious than lettuce) and some raw pecans.

I feel good today. I don't really know why I felt so horrible the other day - I actually imagined at one point that I might be a step away from dying. How could I feel so terrible one day and feel normal the next? All I know is I'm treating it as a wake-up call. A knock on the side of the head from my guardian angel, perhaps. She knows I have to learn everything the hard way.

Hey raw community- I'M BAAAAAACK!!

Jan. 5, day 5

BREAKFAST:
The usual taboule salad. I think having a breakfast with fat and protein is helpful for me in abating hunger. I had pomegranate juice + orange juice along with the breakfast. Around 2 I had a banana. I’ve had 16 oz of water and am about to drink 16 more oz.

Someone asked me what I weighed this morning. I found that I’ve now lost 13 lbs.

I had some eyewatering and sneezing this morning, but less than usual. I’ve maintained the better mood or better outlook on life that I noticed I’d developed after starting raw foods. I would love to feel more alert and have more energy and stamina by the time classes start later in the month.

LUNCH (5:45 pm) : I had a lunch of - you guessed it!! But there is a twist. My girlfriend (the one who lost 150 lbs through a gastric bypass diet) has been very supportive and surprised me with a Whole Foods purchase of raw hummus, raw taboule, raw flax seed crackers, raw trail mix, three types of sprouted beans, wild rice, a papaya and mango. Oh- and some sea salt! I am eating the new hummus and taboule, which I topped with the crunch flaxseed crackers . The crackers are VERY crunchy. They look like flax seeds stuck together, really. They have a nutty taste with a “burnt” finish that isn’t really as bad as it sounds. The hummus didn’t taste too good at first bite, but when I told myself that not everything has to have garlic in it, I realized that it actually was good to taste hummus without overpowering flavorings. The taboule is tasty- as taboule usually is. Can you ruin taboule?

DINNER: 10:15 pm -I made guacamole using a small avocado and am eating it with a couple of flaxseed crackers. I can’t really taste the crackers over the guacamole because I use a lot of coriander, cilantro, scallions and garlic to spice it up. This is one of the best meals I’ve had this first week of raw eating.

I don’t know why I’m hungry so late. I guess I’m just not hungry at the times I’ve been used to eating. But wait- I was generally never hungry when I ate last year. I just ate to eat. Now that I seem to be eating only when I’m hungry, I find that I’m not getting as hungry as often as I thought I would. I had told myself that I wouldn’t eat past 7pm because I have read numerous times that this is too close to bedtime, when you burn fewer calories. But my hunger and eating patterns mean that by 7pm I still don’t have all my calories in. Since I’m not eating a lot of calories per meal, I don’t think I need to worry about eating right before bed, at least as far as calorie-burning goes.

Overall today was a good raw day. I wasn’t sick of eating taboule today, and I didn’t feel sick like yesterday. I tried a new food (the flax), which was great. I still have the diarrhea, but not as bad, and without the terrible stomach pain I had yesterday.

January 1st, 2006: Time to Get Serious

I’m a professional loser of weight. I remember doing Pritikin, Atkins, TOPS and Weight Watchers when I was barely out of middle school. I was a miserable teenager who weighed almost 215 lbs by age 15. I hated myself! In 1998 I embarked on a serious weight loss plan involving Weight Watchers. I was single and could afford the expense, time and energy required to lose almost 200 lbs in three years. However, I could not get below 162 for months on end. Because my goal weight was 135 lbs I became fixated on the scale and on failure. I lost confidence, grew frustrated, and began to feel that old, familiar self hatred. I regained the weight in a remarkably short period of time. I went from a size 10 person who ran in the morning to a size 30 person who can’t walk from the car to the grocery store door without running out of breath.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the scary changes in my health I’ve been experiencing. When I read aloud I find I have to take deep breaths quite often. My blood pressure is high and my cholesterol is over 200. My back hurts when I have to stand for more than a few minutes, so doing dishes is painful. My shoulders hurt when I raise my arms, as if they are too heavy for their sockets. My right leg feels very weak- sometimes I fear it will collapse when I’m climbing stairs. I have headaches at least once a week now, and the huge amount of Pepsi I drink has lead to teeth problems. I have pain on the sides of my tongue every few weeks. I am anemic. I have chronically dry skin to the point where my legs looks like alligators! I could go on, but I’ll spare you for now.

The point is, I’ve been living on SAD- the Standard American Diet. It’s a diet of junk. Salt and sugar make up a large part of what I eat. Pepsi, some days, is the only thing I drink. Other days I drink very little of anything. I rarely eat vegetables and eat even less fruit. I have tried to substitute healthier foods for the unhealthy ones, like diet pop for Pepsi, but it doesn’t work. If it ain’t Pepsi, it simply will not do. Drinking the imposters eventually leads me to wanting the real thing again. I’ve come to learn that if I want to stay away from unhealthy foods, I have to also stop consuming their imitators. Fat-free stuff isn’t any better for me than the fat-filled counterparts.

As of today I weigh 341 lbs. I am 5′ 6″ tall. I am overweight because I consume more calories than I expend- simple as that. Why I consume too much food is no mystery. Food makes me feel temporarily happy. It distracts me from stress and it gives me a familiar pleasure when I’m feeling sad, lonely or anxious. I saw a therapist for a while who explained to me that food increases my serotonin levels and has therefore become an addiction. I can believe that - totally. But while it helps me greatly to understand my depression and how I use food to medicate myself, I find that I can analyze myself until the cows come home without getting better.

What I really need is to revamp my diet. I am taking a holistic approach of body, mind and spirit. Obviously I need more than just a physical change in body size to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I’m hoping that with healthy, whole, fresh foods in my system, I’ll rid myself of addictions to carbs, sugar, salt, etc. Perhaps ridding myself of those substances will result in a clearer mind and will result in a body that doesn’t crave food to combat depression. Maybe I won’t even experience depression any longer- who knows? I am starting the raw food transition now because I understand that one can go through some pretty yucky detox for a couple of weeks (or longer!). I start classes in late January so I hope to be through the worst of it by then. The first suffering I will experience will likely be caffeine withdrawal. Woe is me.


WHAT I STARTED WITH
These are the symptoms with which I’m starting the year

-Eyes water for a couple of hours each morning
-Stuffy nose/post-nasal drip
-Sneezing in the morning
-Sides of tongue hurt for days at a time
-Bad gums (probably gum disease)
-Stiff neck and back
-Blotchy complexion, some acne
-Low grade headache in morning, sometimes throughout day
-Severe lower back pain all the time
-Pain in knees
-Depression
-Low energy, low stamina
-Uneven sleeping patterns
-Often feel hot
-Very noisy digestive system
-chronically dry skin
-Resting heartrate = 80s and 90s
-341 pounds (about 200 lbs to lose)

EATING HABITS
-Few vegetables, almost no fruit
-High saturated fat and trans-fat
-LOTS of sugar and caffeine
-Hardly any water

FITNESS
-Fitness? What fitness? I can’t climb one short set of stairs without huffing and puffing. If I have to hurry down the street even a little, I’m breathing heavily for a ridiculous amount of time.

When I lost 200 lbs around the year 2000, I was walking 5 miles to work and back, playing racquetball, dancing, rollerblading, was going to the gym, biking, and taking a spinning class. My resting heart rate was in the high 30s and low 40s first thing in the morning. During the day my resting heartrate averaged in the low 60’s.