Monday, September 25, 2006

Still Struggling, But Hanging In There

I took a break from the blog over the past couple of weeks to get my thoughts together and to keep from repeating the same tired problems over and over. How many times can I say that I’m off the raw diet and feeling horrible both mentally and physically? I wanted to take some time to figure out a strategy, perhaps even to let this play itself out. Each day that I am not eating raw is a reminder of how unhealthy SAD eating is. I feel like I have a cold everyday. Sneezing, coughing, headaches, backaches, joint pain, you name it- it’s like returning to 2005, pre-raw.

I’m trying to get back to the road to good health- holistically. My current plan is to surround myself with objects that remind me of positive things, and to get rid of those that I see as negative. For example, when I’m depressed I let the house get disorganized, and seeing that disorganization makes me even more depressed. The messier the house gets, the more impossible it seems to clean it, and as some of you know, when you’re depressed, what would be minor disorganization to someone else can seem an impossible task to you. In a very short amount of time, I can be overwhelmed and “stuck.” And that goes for everything- school gets overwhelming, staying raw gets overwhelming, life gets overwhelming. Being the sociologist I am- specifically a symbolic interactionist- I am using my interest in object relations to deal with my depression. I won’t go into the details, but to greatly simplify things, I’ll say that the mess in my house is an “object” that, for me, reflects negativity. Recognizing this, I am motivated to get rid of it. It may sound like a strange strategy, but I’m not original in coming up with it as a solution to depression. I’ve also gotten rid of the foods that I see as negative. OK, I ate ‘em - but that means that tomorrow I start the day with healthy stuff in the fridge, which feels much better than the stuff I could be looking at.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement from fellow and sister raw foodists, including those who are struggling as I am. Thank you for the support! It’s hard to blog when I’m feeling depressed because I don’t want to spread that kind of negativity. On the other hand, I’m not the only one who goes through these things, so sharing our problems can be helpful.




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