Yay- I like My Nutritionist!!

My visit to the nutritionist felt pretty good. I am optimistic about her supporting a gradual switch from my current diet to a vegetarian one, then to a mostly raw one. My personal goal is to lose 50 lbs before the end of the year (she thinks I can do it before Thanksgiving) and then to focus more on feeling better physically and emotionally as I get healthier. The nutritionist's goal is to support me in doing this as healthfully as possible, both from a physical and emotional standpoint.

Today the nutritionist weighed and measured me (yuck, and yuck). She gave me quite a few handouts to read about particular nutrients, healthful foods, the dangers of Pepsi (sigh...) and other things based on my diet history and our discussion about my current health. She wants me to go get my bloodwork done as soon as possible so she can use that as a guide for a food plan. I could tell that I was baffling her with my lack of visible enthusiasm but I've been kinda depressed these days. She handled it pretty well. I like her and think she'll be good to talk to about topics like emotional eating, eating disorders, frustrations with weight loss, low self esteem, etc. It's kinda like having a therapist dealing with the main problem I have: using food for everything. I've tried therapy before and although I liked the therapist, I think counseling about eating habits might be a better way for me to approach the issues that lead me to overeat. On the other hand, I know from my raw days that when I'm eating raw, I don't have the cravings and compulsions I deal with now, so....? Is the problem emotional or physical? I believe it's mostly physical but that I've been brainwashed to believe it's mostly emotional (hence the mental self-flagellation). At any rate, I'm not going to confuse her with an actual therapist, but I know she'll be pushing some emotional buttons as we work together. How can she not?

Based on the foods I told her I'm eating right now we came up with menus for breakfasts, lunches and dinners, which she made sure were balanced with the right proportions of protein, starches, vegetables, and fruits. Stuff like coffee with creamer will go into an "Other" category, although I'll try to keep that category to a minimum (even my beloved Pepsi can go into the Other). I don't count calories- she does that. You know, even though I'm paying an arm and a leg for this service, it still feels like a luxury to have someone else put my meals together and count the calories and nutrients. All I do is say, "no" or "yes" as she rattles off food suggestions, and she writes up the menu and totals the nutrients. She even made a grocery list for me. I love it. Maybe this is what Oprah feels like!

So I've got a whole folder of stuff to read before I see her again next week. I'll be able to contact her for assistance via the internet daily if I need information or emotional support. I'm to email my food journal to her online regularly and then we'll go over it weekly in person. She'll weigh and measure me to ensure I am not losing "lean" rather than the "adipose tissue" (fat) I'm trying to get rid of. I told her that this weekend I'm on vacation in California and that I do not intend to follow a food plan. She pretty much laughed that one off and showed me how I really could follow the plan pretty easily and possibly even lose weight this weekend. I'm still not planning to follow the plan- so who's got the last laugh now, Ms. Nutritionist? Huh? Oh, you do?
Never mind.

SHORT ANALYSIS

PROS
1) If I don't lose weight this month she'll be right there advising me; I won't feel so alone in this struggle.
2) She's knowledgeable, has a good sense of humor, lots of patience, and much enthusiasm
3) Supports my whole/raw food plans
4) Is practical and realistic about my making lifestyle changes, not "weight-loss changes"

CONS
1) Sure costs a lot of money
2) Really expensive
3) Did I mention I pay a lot for this?

A Wild and Wacky Summer- and now the Holidays are Coming!

I would like to get back to raw before January of 2007, but my heart just hasn't been in it. Personal problems took up a lot of my energy starting this summer: I am a single woman now, which really took an emotional toll on me. Then, as a related problem, I had to move. That involved a lot of physical labor and emotional stress that took time away from my studies and made the whole break-up thing more upsetting. Remember that I joined the Raw Food Bootcamp? Well, need I say that I wasn't attentive to the Bootcamp regulations through all of this?

As part of my move I lost internet access at home, which interfered with my ability to stick to the Bootcamp regimen of checking in, logging foods, maintaining a blog, etc. It also interfered with my studies, a problem I especially do not need. Between trying to find reliable sources of free wi-fi, studying, moving and being generally depressed, it seemed that I had really picked the wrong time for the Bootcamp. I tried to stick to the regimen, thinking that if I could at least stay raw one of my biggest problems would be under control, but it was really too difficult for me to handle.

When I finally got moved, I thought I could then put more attention on the Bootcamp, but then my computer powercord broke! More internet woes, then- and not having a computer is even worse than not having internet because my research data is all digital. AARGH! That did me in as far as the Bootcamp. The truth is, other areas in my life have had more importance in my life than staying raw these past couple of months: my studies and my personal life. If I have to choose between the bootcamp and my studies, for example, the studies have to win. And I've found that it is too hard not to stray from raw when I'm so emotionally stressed.

So I am no longer a member of the Bootcamp. Speaking for me- not for anyone else- a Bootcamp experience works best when it's not competing with outside forces. I thought the Bootcamp would force me to focus on raw over those other forces, but no- I couldn't make it work no matter how important I thought it was. Carlene was very understanding that this was not the right time in my life for Bootcamp (although I didn't bring even bring up the break-up issues!). She didn't call me a whiny loser or anthing dreaded like that. :-) There is a time and a place for everything and if Bootcamp is in my future, it'll be when I am fully able to commit to it.

So what do I do now? I am definitely not eating raw these days, but I am starting from square one to get myself back on track. First, simply watching what I eat is important. I may progress from there to recording what I eat- maybe calories or Weight Watcher's points. I've bought some frozen meals because those are the easiest foods for someone going to grad school and working at two different job sites! After I'm in the habit of watching what I eat I can transition to an all-vegetarian diet, and then transition back to raw- maybe by my January 1st raw anniversary! Once the semester is over at the university I will also have some free time- a good time to start a gym regimen. So I know what options are out there. It's a matter of putting them into play. That's always the hard part.

January 1st, 2006: Time to Get Serious

I’m a professional loser of weight. I remember doing Pritikin, Atkins, TOPS and Weight Watchers when I was barely out of middle school. I was a miserable teenager who weighed almost 215 lbs by age 15. I hated myself! In 1998 I embarked on a serious weight loss plan involving Weight Watchers. I was single and could afford the expense, time and energy required to lose almost 200 lbs in three years. However, I could not get below 162 for months on end. Because my goal weight was 135 lbs I became fixated on the scale and on failure. I lost confidence, grew frustrated, and began to feel that old, familiar self hatred. I regained the weight in a remarkably short period of time. I went from a size 10 person who ran in the morning to a size 30 person who can’t walk from the car to the grocery store door without running out of breath.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the scary changes in my health I’ve been experiencing. When I read aloud I find I have to take deep breaths quite often. My blood pressure is high and my cholesterol is over 200. My back hurts when I have to stand for more than a few minutes, so doing dishes is painful. My shoulders hurt when I raise my arms, as if they are too heavy for their sockets. My right leg feels very weak- sometimes I fear it will collapse when I’m climbing stairs. I have headaches at least once a week now, and the huge amount of Pepsi I drink has lead to teeth problems. I have pain on the sides of my tongue every few weeks. I am anemic. I have chronically dry skin to the point where my legs looks like alligators! I could go on, but I’ll spare you for now.

The point is, I’ve been living on SAD- the Standard American Diet. It’s a diet of junk. Salt and sugar make up a large part of what I eat. Pepsi, some days, is the only thing I drink. Other days I drink very little of anything. I rarely eat vegetables and eat even less fruit. I have tried to substitute healthier foods for the unhealthy ones, like diet pop for Pepsi, but it doesn’t work. If it ain’t Pepsi, it simply will not do. Drinking the imposters eventually leads me to wanting the real thing again. I’ve come to learn that if I want to stay away from unhealthy foods, I have to also stop consuming their imitators. Fat-free stuff isn’t any better for me than the fat-filled counterparts.

As of today I weigh 341 lbs. I am 5′ 6″ tall. I am overweight because I consume more calories than I expend- simple as that. Why I consume too much food is no mystery. Food makes me feel temporarily happy. It distracts me from stress and it gives me a familiar pleasure when I’m feeling sad, lonely or anxious. I saw a therapist for a while who explained to me that food increases my serotonin levels and has therefore become an addiction. I can believe that - totally. But while it helps me greatly to understand my depression and how I use food to medicate myself, I find that I can analyze myself until the cows come home without getting better.

What I really need is to revamp my diet. I am taking a holistic approach of body, mind and spirit. Obviously I need more than just a physical change in body size to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I’m hoping that with healthy, whole, fresh foods in my system, I’ll rid myself of addictions to carbs, sugar, salt, etc. Perhaps ridding myself of those substances will result in a clearer mind and will result in a body that doesn’t crave food to combat depression. Maybe I won’t even experience depression any longer- who knows? I am starting the raw food transition now because I understand that one can go through some pretty yucky detox for a couple of weeks (or longer!). I start classes in late January so I hope to be through the worst of it by then. The first suffering I will experience will likely be caffeine withdrawal. Woe is me.


WHAT I STARTED WITH
These are the symptoms with which I’m starting the year

-Eyes water for a couple of hours each morning
-Stuffy nose/post-nasal drip
-Sneezing in the morning
-Sides of tongue hurt for days at a time
-Bad gums (probably gum disease)
-Stiff neck and back
-Blotchy complexion, some acne
-Low grade headache in morning, sometimes throughout day
-Severe lower back pain all the time
-Pain in knees
-Depression
-Low energy, low stamina
-Uneven sleeping patterns
-Often feel hot
-Very noisy digestive system
-chronically dry skin
-Resting heartrate = 80s and 90s
-341 pounds (about 200 lbs to lose)

EATING HABITS
-Few vegetables, almost no fruit
-High saturated fat and trans-fat
-LOTS of sugar and caffeine
-Hardly any water

FITNESS
-Fitness? What fitness? I can’t climb one short set of stairs without huffing and puffing. If I have to hurry down the street even a little, I’m breathing heavily for a ridiculous amount of time.

When I lost 200 lbs around the year 2000, I was walking 5 miles to work and back, playing racquetball, dancing, rollerblading, was going to the gym, biking, and taking a spinning class. My resting heart rate was in the high 30s and low 40s first thing in the morning. During the day my resting heartrate averaged in the low 60’s.