Saturday, December 08, 2007

Oh This BLAH Feeling. It Sucks!

I've been feeling very blah over the past month. I think it has much to do with my crappy diet and not so much to do with stopping the thyroid medication, even though I did feel a little mood uplift when I was taking it for that short amount of time. When I feel this way, I just want to stay in bed all day. I find it hard to concentrate on anything, and cannot motivate myself to start projects. The longer I feel this way, the more anxious I get because I can see myself wasting all sorts of time and not living my life. Through some kind of force of will I will get myself back to a mostly raw diet, knowing that this feeling will lift and my energy will come back.

I'm very good at not "acting depressed," as I hate to attract attention to myself in that way. In truth, I'd rather be invisible during times like this. But I was proud of myself for attending two holiday events this month rather than hiding out at home: I attended a holiday party thrown by my academic department at the university, and I attended a fancier event sponsored by my firm. I dressed up for the second event and did not wear a scarf or hair band to cover the thinner part of my hair- instead, I carefully styled it. I was nervous, but with my stress over my hair loss I've probably developed body dysmorphic disorder and am no longer any judge of my own appearance!

When I'm hit with this blah feeling, I often start reading self-help articles and looking for books about motivation, life purpose, ending procrastination and all that stuff. Deep down, though, I know that all that reading just gives me something to do while I'm waiting out the blue period. I truly believe that my diet plays the biggest role in my mood and energy changes, so the big issue is how to keep myself from falling off the raw wagon in the first place so I don't keep going through this "depression." After all, it's not like someone points a gun at me and makes me eat junk.

The silver lining in this cloud is that I have such a positive feeling about raw and whole foods and have a history of feeling great while I eat raw. A "diet" always seems like punishment, but even though eating raw has the same healthy benefits of a "diet," raw living is a treat for me. It's a different treat from the comfort foods I grew up eating, though, and those old, unhealthy comfort foods have not lost their draw for me. Maybe they never will. Ugh, what a thought!

Thank you for the informative comments you've been sending- I do make a note of them as well as publish them for others' benefit. The raw community is full of positive, informative people who share encouragement and advice. For those of you who are not aware, a new one has cropped up. Maybe I'll see you there?


Jessica said...

soo i recently began reading your blogs && i love reading them.
i too have attempted the raw lifestyle && it kills me that it brings soo much goodness and positive energy into my life, yet i can't seem to make it last. i keep going back to my unhealthy habits ... && it's true no one is forcing us to eat the bad stuff, but we just crave it .... i wish i didn't. i'm sure you'll get back on track ... just remember how bad those foods make you feel. :]]

Anonymous said...

I saw a post of yours on Gone Raw which led me to your site. I've bookmarked it and I really want you to succeed - it will inspire me to stick with staying Raw. This is my first venture into it (2 months now) and I am loving how I feel. I hope it's a lifetime change. I have plenty of non raw folks who think I've lost my mind and they are just waiting for me to slip - that's enough to keep me on track.

As for your "blah's", I know this is the last thing you will want to do, but go for a walk... daily if possible. You don't have to speed walk, just walk for the JOY of it. Truly, it releases those feel-good endorphins and will very likely give you the boost you need right now. If you don't like walking alone, find a friend or a dog (borrow one if you don't have your own) to take along.

Regardless of whether you take that advice, I am sooooo hoping for your success. Blog again soon!



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